Episode Two - "The Biggest Mistake"

What if the biggest mistake you're making with your dog is something you don't even realize you're doing?

In this episode of Paws and Reflect, Penny DiLoreto uncovers one of the most common - and costly-mistakes dog owners make when trying to change their dog's behavior. It's a mistake that can lead to frustration, confusion, and even worsen the very problems you're trying to fix.

But here's the good news: once you understand it, everything can change.

Penny breaks down what's really happening beneath the surface, why traditional approaches often fall short, and how a simple shift in your approach can create calmer, more reliable results - without force or punishment.

If you've ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of what your dog needs from you. This episode will give you clarity, direction, and hope.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The #1 mistake dog owners make when addressing behavior.
• Why this mistake often makes problems worse.
• What your dog actually needs from you instead.
• Simple, practical ways to start fixing it today.

Because when we change how we show up for our dogs... they change too.

“Thanks for spending time with me today on Paws and Reflect.

If this episode helped you see your dog in a new way, be sure to follow the podcast and share it with a fellow dog lover.

Until next time… stay kind, stay curious, and give your dog a little extra love today.”

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome back to Pause and Reflect, where we explore the heart, science, and the soul of living with dogs. I'm Penny DiLoreto, certified trainer, behavior specialist, and lifelong dog lover. Here to help you build a calmer, kinder, and more connected relationship with your dog. Today's title is The Biggest Mistake Dog Owners Make and How to Fix It. In the last episode, we talked about a powerful shift. That your dog isn't being bad, they're just trying to cope. And today I want to build on that. Because there's one mistake I see dog owners make over and over again, and that's one of the biggest reasons behavior problems just don't improve. And here it is. Most people focus on stopping behavior instead of understanding it. Think about this for a moment. When your dog barks at someone that's walking by, jumps on you or your guests, pulls on the leash when you're out for a walk, or reacts to other dogs. Watch your first instinct. Of course, it's usually, how do I stop this? Because as humans, we're fixers. And that makes total sense. You want relief. You want to feel better. But there's the problem. When we jump straight to stopping the behavior, we skip over the most important question, and that is why is this happening in the first place? One of the most important things to understand about behavior with dogs is that behavior works. Dogs repeat what works. So if your dog keeps doing something, it's because it gets them something or it helps them avoid something. Let's break that down. If a dog jumps on you and gets attention, that behavior just worked. If a dog barks and the scary thing goes away, that behavior just worked. And if your dog pulls on the leash, they get to where they want to go faster, and that behavior just worked. So when we're trying to stop behavior without changing what the dog's learning, we're fighting against something that's already working for them. This is what most dog trainers and behaviorists call a learned behavior. I've worked with many families whose dog jumped on everyone who walked through the door. They're frustrated and they've told me that they've tried everything. They've tried saying no, pushing the dog down, repeated commands of off or down, but nothing changed. And when we look closer, the reason is simple. Jumping work. Every time their dog jumped, he got attention, he got interaction, and he got engagement. Even if the attention was negative, it was still reinforcing the behavior. So instead of trying to stop the jumping, we shift the focus. We taught the dog what to do instead. We reinforced calm behavior, such as sitting, keeping all four paws on the floor, waiting for attention. And once the dog understood how to succeed, the jumping started to fade naturally. This is the shift I want you to take. Stop asking, how do I stop this behavior? And start asking, what is my dog learning right now? Because every interaction you have with your dog is teaching them something. Every time you respond, ignore, reward, or react, your dog is learning what works. Your dog learns what doesn't work and what to repeat or what not to repeat. And when you become aware of that, you start to become intentional. This is where behavior and philosophy connect again because the meaning we assign to behavior shapes how we respond. If we believe that my dog is just being stubborn, we respond with frustration. But if we understand my dog is repeating what worked for him, we respond with clarity. And clarity is what creates change. So here's something simple that we can start today. The next time your dog does something you don't like, ask yourself three questions. One, what is my dog getting out of this behavior? Two, what would I rather they do instead? And three, have I clearly taught that behavior? Because dogs don't fail training. Training fails dogs when we're not clear. And when we give their dog a clear path to success, they will take it. So if there's one thing I want you to remember from today's episode is this you can't fix behavior you don't understand. And when you shift from stopping the behavior to teaching better behavior, that's when everything starts to change. Thank you for joining me on Pause and Reflect. If this episode resonates with you, share it with another dog owner, and I'll see you in the next episode.